Many of you may know that we are in the process of adopting a fourteen year old girl, but you may not know what adoption is like from a guy's point of view. I'm not a man of many words nor do I talk about my feelings very much but I'll try to shed some light on how a man's brain might process adoption.
When we first starting talking about adoption I thought, sure that might be kind of cool, but didn't really think much past that at the time. Men are not as emotional as women are so when Jamie would send me the links to the children online that were available for adoption I kinda skimmed through the link and that was about it. But Jamie would look at the pages and cry for them. Maybe it's because she more has more empathy than I do.
So there I was just going along with all the classes it takes for the adoption process, waiting for something to freak me out enough to not want to go through with it. Jamie and I said at the beginning if either one of us became freaked out we would stop. Looking back I now know that God was taking care of us. Because I'm a man of few words, Jamie would ask me all the time if I was still ok with adopting. She wanted to know that I was still up for it; I told her that we were doing the right thing and if I thought that changed I would tell her.
There were people that would ask "why would you want to take on someone else's problem". I didn't get mad at the time because when I was asked that question, we didn't really have a child in mind that we were going to adopt. But the children in foster care are not the problem. They had no control over what they had been through. I don't think that men's brains work the same as a women's when it comes to hypothetical scenarios. Men are problem solvers and have to see what needs to be fixed before they can wrap their mind around it.
But now if some one asked me why I would want to take on someone else's problem, I would take it very personally because now they are talking about my girl. I know God brought her into our lives and I feel like she is already my daughter.
When we first starting talking about adoption I thought, sure that might be kind of cool, but didn't really think much past that at the time. Men are not as emotional as women are so when Jamie would send me the links to the children online that were available for adoption I kinda skimmed through the link and that was about it. But Jamie would look at the pages and cry for them. Maybe it's because she more has more empathy than I do.
So there I was just going along with all the classes it takes for the adoption process, waiting for something to freak me out enough to not want to go through with it. Jamie and I said at the beginning if either one of us became freaked out we would stop. Looking back I now know that God was taking care of us. Because I'm a man of few words, Jamie would ask me all the time if I was still ok with adopting. She wanted to know that I was still up for it; I told her that we were doing the right thing and if I thought that changed I would tell her.
There were people that would ask "why would you want to take on someone else's problem". I didn't get mad at the time because when I was asked that question, we didn't really have a child in mind that we were going to adopt. But the children in foster care are not the problem. They had no control over what they had been through. I don't think that men's brains work the same as a women's when it comes to hypothetical scenarios. Men are problem solvers and have to see what needs to be fixed before they can wrap their mind around it.
But now if some one asked me why I would want to take on someone else's problem, I would take it very personally because now they are talking about my girl. I know God brought her into our lives and I feel like she is already my daughter.
11 comments:
You and Jamie are such awesome people. Not a lot of families would do what you are doing and yet you will be changing somebody's life forever for the good. Well done to the two of you. May you be an example for many others.
Great post Ken.It's nice to hear y0ur point of view and your new daughter is blessed to have you both. Of course, you are blessed to have her!
I love your post, Ken. Way to go opening up and "talking" about your feelings!
Thanks for sharing this Ken.
Ken,
I would like, with your permission, to share what you have written in your blog with others. This is good.
Lamar
Ken, thank you so much for sharing this! We are going through an adoption too. I'm going to have to get my husband to read your post. Maybe he'll put his thoughts into words too...
It is wonderful that you have already accepted her as your daughter. Thank you for sharing the man's view.
This was a beautiful posting Ken. I have always felt that children will hang their hat with anyone that genuinely loves them...they know a real parent with then feel one and they embrace them too as their own. Your kids are very blessed to have a Father like you :o)
This may sound strange, but reading yours and Jaime's posts have lightened my view on humanity. You clearly have taken the path less traveled and it is good to be reminded there are people out there still making those kinds of choices. Thank you for sharing.
Best wishes with your adoption. Many years ago I was a social worker and the agency I worked for did adoptions of older, "hard to place" children. It takes VERY special people to open up their homes and hearts to children who are not "biologically" theirs.
I found my way to your blog from WW, and was so impressed by your photos that I kept browsing. What a beautiful post "man of few words".
I hope you don't mind me browsing through your blog and commenting on old posts, but I thought this one was beautiful. And, congratulations on your new (teenage) baby girl!
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